Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
examples that have been heard or reported:
"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables
and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only
4 ways out of this airplane…"
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the
event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must
smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you
to the wing of the airplane.
Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking
in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.
Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it’s warm, the sun is shining,
and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it’s
dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y’all wanna go there I
really don’t know."
Pilot – "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now,
so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move
about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land…
it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects
the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.
We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed
taking you for a ride."
As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross
in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve
luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the
intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance
system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not
remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and
complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National,
a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella…WHOA..!
"Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the cabin
lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please
place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children
or adults acting like children.
As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.
"And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are
pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry…
Unfortunately none of them are on this flight.