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Professions Psychoanalyzed

Categories: Professions
Added: Sun Apr 15 06:00:00 +0000 2001Views: 2,822
Rating: - (0 votes)
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Submitted by humor-source
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1.
MARKETING – You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree
to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking
and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities
are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2. SALES – Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing
without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid.
Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like
to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on
the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout
your life.


3. TECHNOLOGY – Unable to control anything in your personal life,
you are instead content to completely control everything that happens
at your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are
saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall
inherit the Earth.


4. ENGINEERING – One of only two signs that actually studied in
school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed
by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full
of all the latest "ergo dynamic" gadgets. However, we
all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."


5. ACCOUNTING – The only other sign that studied in school. You
are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared
person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational
traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely
insane.


6. HUMAN RESOURCES – Ironically, given your access to confidential
information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization.
Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing,
you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get
a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.


7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT – Catty, cut-throat, yet completely
spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the
rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to
measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for
yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers"
as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."


8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT – (See above – Same sign, different title)


9. CUSTOMER SERVICE – Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent
cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you
asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset
so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually
passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your
manager.


10. CONSULTANT – Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms
to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced
yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you
could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat.
You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities
without ever taking direct action.


11. RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" – As a "person"
that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most
people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible
to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond
directly with fluctuations in the stock market.


12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO – You are brilliant or lucky. Your
inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine
suggest the latter.


13. GOVERNMENT WORKER – Paid to take days off. Government workers
are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually
suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious
crimes while on the job… Thus the term "GO POSTAL"


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