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Excuses For Missing Work

Categories: Work
Added: Wed Apr 04 06:00:00 +0000 2001Views: 4,888
Rating: - (0 votes)
Exciting PeriodExcuses For Sleeping At Work! >
Submitted by humor-source
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1.
If it is all the same to you I won’t be coming in to work. The voices
told me to clean all the guns today.

2. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to
my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it.


3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other
half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion).
I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the
power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously
rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly,
I will be in late, or early.


4. My stigmata’s acting up.


5. I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous
boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?


6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know
we have that deadline to meet…


7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.


8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder
and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won’t be able to, yes,
could I help you? No, no, I’ll be sticking with Sprint, but thank
you for calling.


9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.


10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn’t
come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.


11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even
gave me this jaw restraint so I won’t bite things when I am startled.


12. The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.


13. I prefer to remain an enigma.


14. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we
must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart
and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.


15. I can’t come to work today because the EPA has determined that
my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange
for helicopter transportation.


16. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.


17. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.


18. I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is
a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.


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Latest Comments
Poop Head
Oct 27, 08:52
Somebody must have passed out!
Please Stop Giving Me Tickets!
Aug 30, 05:30
Yeah, I'm sure that'll change the cop's mind.
Boredom at Walmart
Jun 8, 16:48
ha ha
more...


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