The
European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will
be the official language of the EU rather than German (the other possibility).
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a
5 year phase in of new rules which would apply to the language and
reclassify it as EuroEnglish.
The agreed plan is as follows: In year 1, the soft ‘C’ would be
replaced by ‘S’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump
with joy. The hard ‘C’ will be replaced by ‘K’. This should klear
up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome ‘PH’ is replaced by ‘F’. This will reduse ‘fotograf’
by 20%.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which
have always ben a deterent
to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre, that the horible mes of the
silent ‘E’ in the language is disgrasful and they should eliminat
them.
By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such
as replasing ‘TH’ with ‘Z’ and ‘W’ with ‘V’ (saving mor keyboard
spas). During ze fifz year, ze unnesesary ‘O’ kan be dropd from
vords kontaining ‘OU’ and similar changes vud of kors be applid
to ozet combinations of leters.
Afterzis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil
be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrion vil find it ezi to understand
ech ozer.
... ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!
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