Smoking is one of the leading
causes of statistics.-Fletcher Knebel
He’s dead, Jim. You grab his wallet, I’ll grab his tricorder
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schitzophrenic, and so am
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Experience is something you don’t get until
just after you need it.
Monday is the root of all evil.
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Don’t judge a book by its movie.
"Smile, it makes people wonder what you’re thinking.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
If at first you don’t succeed…forget skydiving.
Love thine enemies…it really pisses them off.—
If at first you don’t succeed, change the rules!
On the other hand, the early worm gets eaten.
If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re a precipitate.
Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.
The reward for a job well done is more work.
The pen is mightier than the sword, until it runs out of ink
Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
If you can’t speak softly, just use the stick.
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead
Fool-proof implies a finite number of fools.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Join the army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Two wrongs don’t make a right—three lefts do.
Only the good die young… Note the average age in Congress.
Rember when everything comes your way… you’re in the wrong lane.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
Remember: ‘i’ before ‘e’, except in Budweiser.
Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in pain.
A fool and his party are soon elected.
High explosives are applicable where truth and logic fail.
Even if you’re paranoid, maybe they really are after you.
Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either.
Money is the root of all wealth.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train.
A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame.
Never hit a man when he’s down. He may get back up again.
Ted’s Law: You can’t fall off the floor.
The Earth is like a grain of sand, only bigger.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over
When in doubt, give advice
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana
Golf scores are directly proportional to the number of witnesses
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it.
A little greed can get you lots of stuff
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat
Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Skydiving…good ’till the last drop.
America, land of opportunity for Japanese businessmen.
When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing.
Don’t use a big word where a diminutive word will suffice
A steak a day keeps the cows dead
I’m not 40…I’m 18 with 22 years experience.
If at first you don’t succeed — give up! No use being a damn fool!
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress;
but I repeat myself.-Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then
he made school boards.-Mark Twain
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and
UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.-Jeremy S. Anderson
The Macintosh computer was designed for fools, by fools. -David
The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec.-Marcus
Take her easy, and if she’s easy take her twice—Geoff