With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer
is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving
the performance of men in today’s society.
DIRECTRA – A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car
trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when
they got lost, compared to a control group where only 0.2 percent
asked for directions.
PROJECTRA – Men given this experimental new drug were far more
likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting
a new one.
CHILDAGRA – Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming
urge to perform more child-care tasks—especially cleaning up
spills and little accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA – In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing
new clothing.
BUYAGRA – Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden
urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking
this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug
can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store’s
return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA – Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA – This drug had the strange effect of making men
want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other
family members.
CAPAGRA – Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically fastidious
about lowering toilet seats and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects
on higher doses were seen dusting furniture.
PRYAGRA – About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men
in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal
affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test
subjects into special prosecutors.
LIAGRA – This drug causes men to be less than truthful when they
are asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular,
Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.
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