OLD telephone directories make
ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address
of people you don’t know.
WHEN reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This
saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be
used for shopping lists.
FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by
holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally
swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will
allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
AVOID being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels
and locking them safely in the car until you return.
SMELL gas? Locate the suspected leak by striking an ordinary match
in every room in the house until a loud explosion reveals the source
of the escaping gas.
AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to
‘fast wipe’ whenever you leave your car parked illegally. INCREASE
the life of your carpets by rolling them up and keeping them in the
garage.
TAKE your trash can to the supermarket with you so that you can see
which items you have recently run out of.
NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt
by simply peeling it off.
EXPENSIVE hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper alternative,
but beware of bees in the summer.
AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
RECREATE the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own
home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach,
then urinating into it, before jumping in.
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