1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your
husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror andstick out your
gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you’re
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth,leg cloth,long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with
83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner
enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes
until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes
as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide
to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you
lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African
Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with
nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting
How Men Shower
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way,
shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut
to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in
the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers
for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’tuse one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower).
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on
the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tubthe
16. Partially dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you
pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah
baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.