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Mexican Jokes

Categories: Miscellaneous
Added: Sat May 05 06:00:00 -0600 2001Views: 207,959
Rating: 4.20 (20 votes)
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Submitted by humor-source
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How many officers does it take to arrest a Mexican Guy?
It takes 4; 1 to arrest him and 3 to carry his oranges.

There is an American, a German, and a Mexican.
They are in all in a boat.
The boat is about to sink.
Each of them have to throw things out to make the boat lighter!
The German throws out 4 cases of beer and says:
“We have a lot of bear in Germany so we don’t need these!”
The Mexican throws out 5 cases of burritos and says:
“We have a lot of burritos in Mexico so we don’t need these!”
The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out.
The German asks why he threw the Mexican out.
And the American replies:
“We have a lot of Mexicans in America so we don’t need him!.

There was a German, an American, and a Mexican.
They were walking in the woods.
Suddenly a heard of buffalo came at them.
They ran and ran until they saw a shack and went in it.
2 days later the buffalo left.
The men got out of the shack only to find layers of crap everywhere!
They were forced to jump in because there was no way out.
The German took a leap and said,
" It’s not bad, it’s only up to my waist. "
The American took a leap and said,
" It’s not bad, it’s only up to my knees. "
Then the Mexican took a leap and said,
" It’s not bad, it’s only up to my ankles. "
The American asked, " How did you do that. "
The Mexican replied in a muffled voice, " I jumped in head first. "

Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans?
Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

Why do Mexicans eat Tomales for Christmas?
So they have something to unwrap

What are the first three words in every Mexican cookbook?
“Steal a chicken…”

What are the first 3 words in the Mexican national anthem?
“Attention K-Mart shoppers.”

What kind of cans are there in Mexico?

There were three guys, an American, a Canadian, and a Mexican. They had been travelling for days and were very, hungry. They came across a farm that had hundreds of fruits. While they were eating, the farmer came out and caught them.
The farmer said, "Since I’m in a good mood today, I won’t kill you… If you stuff 100 of your favorite fruit up your ass without laughing.
The American was up first. He chose cherries as his favorite fruit. He got up to 78 and burst out laghing. So the farmer shot him with a shotgun.
The Canadian was next and chose grapes. He got up to 92 but started laughing so the farmer killed him too.
When the Canadian and the American arrived up in heaven, an angel asked them why they laughed.
They both replied, “We saw the Mexican with watermelons.”

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”

The mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him and says “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence”.

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence.”

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, “Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?”

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers “God Save The Queen” and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers “Viva La France” and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers “Remember the Alamo” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.”

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, “What happened? Was the cord too long?”

The first guy says, “No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a ‘pinata’?”

Why did God give Mexicans noses?

So they’ll have something to pick in the winter.

why doesnt mexico have a olympic team? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border!!

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an Iranian?
A: Oil of Ol’e.

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Latest Comments
Poop Head
Oct 27, 08:52
Somebody must have passed out!
Please Stop Giving Me Tickets!
Aug 30, 05:30
Yeah, I'm sure that'll change the cop's mind.
Boredom at Walmart
Jun 8, 16:48
ha ha

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