Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
I.R.S.: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
“More hay, Trigger?” “No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!”
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
What is a “free” gift ? Aren’t all gifts free?
Assassins do it from behind.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
“Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
When there’s a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a “stop payment” on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
All generalizations are false.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
“Criminal Lawyer” is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
If you are psychic – think “HONK”
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