The Stages Of Life

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE        DRINK

17         beer
25         beer
35         vodka
48         double vodka
66         Maalox

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE        DRINK

17         Wine Coolers
25         White wine
35         Red wine
48         Dom Perignon
66         Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

17         My parents are away for the weekend.
25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35         My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48         My wife is away for the weekend.
66         My second wife is dead.

17         Need to wash my hair
25         Need to wash and condition my hair
35         Need to color my hair
48         Need to have Francois color my hair
66         Need to have Francois color my wig

17         sex
25         sex
35         sex
48         sex
66         napping

17         shopping
25         shopping
35         shopping
48         shopping
66         shopping

17         pot
25         coke
35         really good coke
48         power
66         coke, a limousine, the company jet

17         shopping
25         shopping
35         shopping
48         shopping
66         shopping

17         "tongue"
25         "breakfast"
35         "She didn’t set back my therapy."
48         "I didn’t have to meet her kids."
66         "Got home alive."

17         "Burger King"
25         "Free meal"
35         "A diamond"
48         "A bigger diamond"
66         "Home Alone"

17         getting to third
25         airplane sex
35         menage a trois
48         taking the company public
66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

17         tall, dark and handsome
25         tall, dark and handsome with money
35         tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48         a man with hair
66         a man

17         roaches
25         stoned-out college roommate
35         Irish setter
48         children from his first marriage
66         Barbi

17         Muffy the cat
25         Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35         Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48         Kids from his 1st marriage and Muffy the Cat
66         Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

17         25
25         35
35         48
48         66
66         17

17         17
25         25
35         35
48         48
66         66

17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25         "Split the check before we go back to my place"
35         "Just come over."
48         "Just come over and cook."
66         sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

17         He offers to pay
25         He pays
35         He cooks breakfast the next morning
48         He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66         He can chew breakfast