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Computer Sales Jargon

Categories: Computers / Technology
Added: Tue Jun 19 06:00:00 +0000 2001Views: 4,549
Rating: - (0 votes)
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Submitted by humor-source
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NEW
Different color from previous design

ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with previous design

EXCLUSIVE
Imported product

UNMATCHED
Almost as good as the competition

DESIGNED SIMPLICITY
Manufacturer’s cost cut to the bone

FOOLPROOF OPERATION
No provision for adjustments

ADVANCED DESIGN
The advertising agency doesn’t understand it

IT’S HERE AT LAST!
Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming

FIELD-TESTED
Manufacturer lacks test equipment

HIGH ACCURACY
Unit on which all parts fit

DIRECT SALES ONLY
Factory had big argument with distributor

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
We finally got one that works

REVOLUTIONARY
It’s different from our competitors

BREAKTHROUGH
We finally figured out a way to sell it

FUTURISTIC
No other reason why it looks the way it does

DISTINCTIVE
A different shape and color than the others

MAINTENANCE-FREE
Impossible to fix

RE-DESIGNED
Previous faults corrected, we hope…

HAND-CRAFTED
Assembly machines operated without gloves on

PERFORMANCE PROVEN
Will operate through the warranty period

MEETS ALL STANDARDS
Ours, not yours

ALL SOLID-STATE
Heavy as Hell!

BROADCAST QUALITY
Gives a picture and produces noise

HIGH RELIABILITY
We made it work long enough to ship it

SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE
When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound

NEW GENERATION
Old design failed, maybe this one will work

MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS
We got a good deal at a government auction

CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY
You can return it from most airports

UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE
Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way

BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES
We finally got it to fit together

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED
Manufacturer’s, upon cashing your check

MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED
Does things we can’t explain

LATEST AREOSPACE TECHNOLOGY
One of our techs was laid off by Boeing


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Latest Comments
Poop Head
Oct 27, 08:52
Somebody must have passed out!
Please Stop Giving Me Tickets!
Aug 30, 05:30
Yeah, I'm sure that'll change the cop's mind.
Boredom at Walmart
Jun 8, 16:48
ha ha
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