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Chemical Analysis of Woman

Categories: Men / Women
Added: Sat Jun 23 06:00:00 +0000 2001Views: 5,447
Rating: 5.00 (2 votes)
Chemical Analysis of ManChess Tournament Festivities >
Submitted by humor-source
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<TABLE COLSPEC=“L20 L20” BORDER=0 WIDTH=90% CELLPADDING=1 CELLSPACING=0>

Element:Woman
Symbol:Wo
Discover:Adam
Atomic Mass:Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg
Occurrences:Copious quantities in all urban areas

Physical Properties:

  1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
  2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.
  3. Melts if given special treatment.
  4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
  5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
  6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

Chemical Properties:

  1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
  2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
  3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
  4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in
    alcohol.
  5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Uses:

  1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
  2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
  3. Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:

  1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
  2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards:

  1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
  2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
    maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come
    into direct contact with each other.
  3. Should you experience itching, burning or rash, discontinue use
    immediately and seek medical treatment.

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