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Sex Quotes

Added: Thu Jul 12 06:00:00 +0000 2001Views: 10,362
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“The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.”

“You know, if you smoke after having sex, you’re doing it WAY too fast…”

“Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery ?”

“Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics.”

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.”    — Woody Allen.

“Sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five it’s fantastic !”    — Woody Allen.

Kinky is using a feather — Perverted is using the whole chicken”

“One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.”    — Jane Austen (1775-1817)

“Oral Sex: the taste of things to come.”

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.”    — Brendan Francis.

“I remember my first sexual encounter because I kept the recipe.”    — Jeff Dahmer.

“I think there are two areas where new ideas are terribly dangerous: economics and sex. By and large, it’s all been tried, and if it’s really new, it’s probably illegal or dangerous or unhealthy.”    — Felix G. Rohatyn.

“If God had meant us to have group sex, he’d have given us more organs.”    — Malcolm Bradbury.

“If it weren’t for pickpockets I’d have no sex life at all.”    — Rodney Dangerfield.

“No two sexes are alike.”    — B.C.

“Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.”    — Joseph Fischer.

“The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous and the expense damnable.”    — Earl of Chesterfield.

“Sex is natural, but not if it’s done right.”

“Remember: Anal sex is just like vaginal sex, except afterwards your cock may have shit on it.”

“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to ?”    — Bette Midler.

“If God had wanted people to give blow jobs, he wouldn’t have given them teeth.”

“The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment.”    — Malcolm Muggeridge.

“I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.”

“Tell him I’ve been too fucking busy — or vice versa.”    — Dorothy Parker.

“I once knew a woman who offered her honor
So I honored her offer
And all night long I was on her and off her.”

“Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95/minute ?”

“All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I’d sooner go to my dentist any day.”    — Evelyn Waugh.

“You know the worst thing about oral sex ? The view.”    — Maureen Lipman.

“Sex is like pizza, even if it’s done bad, it’s still good.”

“Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.”

“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer."

“There are many ways to say ‘I Love You’ but Fucking is the fastest.”

“If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.”    — Dorothy Parker (1893—1967), US writer.

“It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses.”    — Mrs. Patrick Campbell.

“Mary had a little lamb. That’s what she gets for sleeping in the barn…”

Q: What’s the difference between a hamster and a turtle ?
A: With a turtle you don’t need duct tape…”

“Bend over, I’ll drive.”    — Bumper sticker.

“Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.”    — Bumper sticker.

“The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.”    — Gloria Leonard

“When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.”    — Matt Groening, from “Basic Sex Facts For Today’s Youngfolk” in Life In Hell.

“I have made love to ten thousand women.”    — Georges Simenon (1903-89), Belgian novelist.

“If homosexuality were normal, God would have created Adam and Bruce.”    — Anita Bryant.

“Every time you sleep with a boy you sleep with all his old girlfriends.”    — Government advert warning about AIDS, 1987.

“Of all sexual aberrations, chastity is the strangest.”    — Jacques Anatole Thibault.

“The only unnatural sex act is one which you cannot perform.”    — Alfred Kinsey.

“Big doesn’t necessarily mean better… Sunflowers aren’t better than violets.”

“Size matters not.”    — Yoda
“Size matters.”    — Godzilla

“Whether a long one or a thick one it matters not, as long as it satisfies in abundance !”    — Islamic proverb.

“Murder is a crime. Describing Murder is not. Sex is not a crime. Describing sex is.”    — Gershon Legman.

“Act your age, not your size.”

“It’s not how you fish, it’s how you wiggle your worm.”

“A thousand million flies can’t be wrong — eat shit.”

“I bet the people of Gomorrah felt like they got the short end of the stick. After all, they didn’t get a perversion named after them.”    — Mike Miles.

“Be creative: invent a perversion.”

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”    — Steve Martin

“An erection is like the Theory of Relativity — the more you think about it, the harder it gets.”

“Buggery is boring.
Incest is relatively boring.
Necrophilia is dead boring.”

“What is wrong with a little incest ? It is both handy and cheap.”

“If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try a different position.”

“My brain, my second best organ…”

“To go together is blessed, to come together is divine !”

“If you’re not into oral sex, keep your mouth shut !”    — Helmet sticker.

“College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in, and nine months later you wish you’d never come.”

“The man who said “A bird in the hand’s worth two in the bush” has been putting his bird in the wrong bushes."

“I’d like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he’s working on now.”

“I think I could fall madly in bed with you…”

“I have an incredible sex drive… my girlfriend lives 200 miles away !”

“The word today is Legs… Spread the word.”

“A mistress comes between a mister and his mattress.”

“Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.”    — Moliere

“L’amour fait proprement est toujours sale.”

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Latest Comments
Poop Head
Oct 27, 08:52
Somebody must have passed out!
Please Stop Giving Me Tickets!
Aug 30, 05:30
Yeah, I'm sure that'll change the cop's mind.
Boredom at Walmart
Jun 8, 16:48
ha ha

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