A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS
372.01 – Any person with a valid California state rodent or deer hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes.
372.02 – Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait is, however, prohibited.
372.03 – The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash.
372.04 – It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or fixed-wing aircraft.
372.05 – It is unlawful to shout “Whiplash!”, “Ambulance!”, or “Free Scotch!” for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
372.06 – It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred (100) yards of BMW, Porsche, or Mercedes dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoons.
372.07 – It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200) yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs or hospitals. No fair, that’s their stompin’ grounds!
372.08 – If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess same.
372.09 – It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
372.10 – Bag Limits Per Day Yellow Bellied Sidewinders
2 – Two-faced Tortfeasors
1 – Back-stabbing Divorce Litigators
3 – Horn Rimmed Cut-throats
2 – Honest Attorneys (ENDANGERED SPECIES)