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Al Qaeda Terrorist Layoffs

Categories: Current Events
Added: Fri Sep 28 06:00:00 -0600 2001Views: 20,311
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KABUL (Voice of Sharia) — Citing worldwide reaction to last week’s
terrorist attacks, multi-national terror network Al Qaeda announced
Thursday that it would lay off 5,000 or more holy warriors.
The “holy war” concern said the move was necessary because of an
expected 20 percent fatwah reduction and the cost and complexity of
thwarting new airport and immigration security procedures, according
to a statement broadcast on Afghanistan’s Voice of Sharia radio.
“This is, without a doubt, the most difficult thing I have had to do
in my over two decades as a mujahad,” said Al Qaeda mastermind and
chief operations officer Osama bin Laden in a letter to employees. He
added, “Some of these people are my friends, who have been fighting
the infidel by my side since we were were living in caves in
Afghanistan during the Soviet occupation. We are still living in caves
in Afghanistan, but I believe the bottom is forming and we will see a
turnaround soon, provided we can meet the challenge by getting both
leaner AND meaner.”

“I have declared a state of emergency at Al Qaeda,” he said. “This
declaration is an official recognition that, hard as it may be to
accept, our network’s very survival depends on dramatic change to our
operations, our jihad and worst of all our staffing levels.”
The cuts, bin Laden said, would include both mujahadin (holy warriors)
and ulema (clerics). They will impact Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq.
Some mujahadin will be notified immediately, others won’t be notified
until the end of next week as they finish attacks in progress or in
late stages of planning, according to Taliban spokesman Wakil Ahmed.
Staff cuts for suicide pilots, car bombers, petty religious clerics
and other Al Qaeda holy warriors will be based on seniority, Ahmed
said, in a deal worked out at a meeting between bin Laden and union
officials from the IBIJ (International Brotherhood of the Islamic

Mujahadin and others who lose their jobs will not receive any sort of
severance package, according to the Al Qaeda statement. Pakistan,
which oversees Al Quaeda and its subsidiary Taliban organization, is
the world’s largest country with a pre-medieval culture and justice
system. The country’s latest quarterly report said the different units
of the Al Qaeda/Taliban organization, including the madrassas (schools
Pakistan has been running for twenty years to turn ordinary children
into suicidal holy warriors) had at total of 30,000 employees, meaning
the cut represents a 16 percent reduction in staff.
Al Qaeda is the latest in a string of Islamic terror network layoff
announcements, pushing the total of announced cuts in the last five
days to 10,000.

Referring to massive U.S. troop movements involving three carrier
groups in the Mediterranean and Arabian Sea, worried Afghani ulemas in
testimony during the emergency sharia council in Khandahar on Thursday
told their spiritual leader Mullah Mohammed Omar that the number is
likely to cross the 20,000 threshold in the coming days, through
attrition, with none of the expected openings slated to be refilled.
OIC (Organization of the Islamic Conference) and bin Laden are
considering spending billions on emergency aid to the industry,
distributed through a vast network of corrupt Saudi emirs,
international prostitution rings and drug smugglers. The current
exchange rate is approximately 100,000 afghanis to the dollar.
The PLO announced Tuesday it will reduce its workforce by 200 to 300
sleeper agents worldwide by end of 2002 at its commercial bus bombing
division and restaurant theater operations.

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Latest Comments
Poop Head
Oct 27, 08:52
Somebody must have passed out!
Please Stop Giving Me Tickets!
Aug 30, 05:30
Yeah, I'm sure that'll change the cop's mind.
Boredom at Walmart
Jun 8, 16:48
ha ha

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