Degrees (Fahrenheit) and related activities:
- 65 Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night
- 60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
- 50 Miami residents turn on the heat
- 45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts
- 40 You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming
- 35 Italian cars don’t start
- 32 Water freezes
- 30 You plan your vacation to Australia
- 25 Ohio water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming
- 20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further South
- 15 French cars don’t start. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
- 10 You need jumper cables to get the car going
- 5 American cars don’t start
- 0 Alaskans put on T-shirts
- -10 German cars don’t start; eyes freeze shut when you blink
- -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist
- -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof; Japanese cars don’t start
- -25 Too cold to think; you need jumper cables to get the driver going
- -30 You plan a two week hot bath; Swedish cars don’t start
- -40 Californians disappear; Minnesotans button top button; Canadians put on sweaters; your car helps you plan your trip South
- -50 Congressional hot air freezes; Alaskans close the bathroom window
- -80 Hell freezes over; Polar bears move South; Vikings fans order hot cocoa at the game
- -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets
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