A five-point plan to help citizens avoid being shot by
police. This plan may not prevent all shootings, but very few will take place when the
plan is rigorously adhered to. So, here are the rules:
Rule # 1
DON’T COMMIT VIOLENT CRIMES. It seems elementary, but this rule is lost on many
folks. They do the crime, get shot, and then wonder how it could have possibly happened to
them? They whine that it is so unfair. Well, Slick, violent crime, like jumping in front
of moving cars, is just a high-risk occupation, and, in case you missed it, committing
violent crime makes police officers think you might not be a good person.
Rule # 2
If you ignore rule No.1, and the police confront you, DON’T RUN AWAY FROM THEM. I
know it’s hard to believe, but that may make them think you’re guilty of
something. Hiding in bushes or closets makes some cops (mostly older ones) very nervous.
They might even foolishly conclude that you’re up to no good!
Rule # 3
If you disregard rules 1 and 2, and the cops catch up with you anyway and inform you that
you are under arrest, DON’T MAKE FAST MOVEMENTS WITH YOUR HANDS. I know it sounds
silly, but grabbing a shiny beer can, a dark-colored wallet, or one of those snazzy and
real-looking replica guns may make police officers mistakenly believe that you are about
to hurt them.
Rule # 4
If you disregard rules 1, 2, and 3, and manage to get what looks like a deadly weapon into
your hands, DON’T POINT IT AT THE COPS. We all know that you’re basically a nice
person, but that may be lost on the police officers confronting you. In their paranoia,
they may even believe they need to protect themselves.
Rule # 5
If you disregard rules 1, 2, 3, and 4, DON’T BE ASTONISHED IF THE COPS DO NOT
INSTANTLY TURN INTO YOUR PERSONAL CONFIDANT. They may be too preoccupied to realize that
you’re normally a splendid person and that you’re just having a bad day. They
may be too preoccupied to see that when you point a weapon at them in a threatening
manner, it is just your way of crying out for help. We both know that the whole problem
can be traced to the fact that your mother didn’t breast feed you, but some police
officers are so cynical they just don’t see it.
So, there you have it. If you really apply yourself and obey even some of the rules
listed above, I bet you’ll avoid the vast majority of police gunfire.”
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