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New Scientific Diet

Categories: Miscellaneous
Added: Mon Jul 22 06:00:00 -0600 2002Views: 3,962
Rating: - (0 votes)
New Measurement UnitsNewspaper Follies >
Submitted by humor-source
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As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree
centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat
a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the
natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature
during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only
available source, your body fat.


For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg.
F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37
degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process
takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert
portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of
thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. × 37 deg. × 168 gms)
are extracted from body fat as the dessert’s temperature is
normalized.


Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie
loss is approximately 5,000 calories.


Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat,the better off you are and
the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal.


This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in
frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but
extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the
temperature normalizing process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce
of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to
calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. × 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted
from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.


Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it
takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an
additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature. The
results here are really remarkable, and it beats running hands down.


Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer,
pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature)
induces an opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader
should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot
of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice
cream.


We could all be thin if we were to adhere religiously to a pizza,
beer, and ice cream diet.


Happy eating!


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