Humor Source
Humor Source
Log In
Username

Password



Register!
Get Password

Funny Pictures
Jokes
Weird News
Funny Flash

Subscribe!
Great Stuff!
Hot Free Screensavers!
Hot Legal Weed & Ecstacy!
Cool FREE Personal Horoscope!
New FREE iPod Nano!
Hot FREE email smiley faces!
Cool Hilarious Funny Pranks!
Hot $500 Payday Advance Loan!
New FREE Cell Phone Ringtones!

Noah and the Red Tape

Categories: Religious
Added: Thu Aug 01 06:00:00 +0000 2002Views: 5,127
Rating: 5.00 (1 vote)
NFL Consolidating Football Teams!Northern & Southern Fairytales >
Submitted by humor-source
Bookmark and Share

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark.” And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark. “OK,” Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, “I’m your man.”


Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.


“Noah!” shouted the Lord, “Where is My ark?” A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.


“Lord, please forgive me!” begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark’s construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system.


“My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board.


Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn’t let me catch them, so no owls.


“Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind.


“Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn’t take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being. Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe!


“Right now, I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I’m supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don’t think I can finish the ark in less than five years.”


With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. “You mean you are not going to destroy the world?” he asked hopefully.


“No,” said the Lord. “The government already has.”


Tell Your Friends About 'Noah and the Red Tape'!

Click here!


Great Sites
ASCII Art
Bad Jocks
Blonde Jokes
Cartoons
Christmas Pictures
College Humor
Free Flash Games
Extreme Funny Pictures
Fun Facts
Funny Animals
Funny Celebrity Pictures
Funny Pictures
Funny Posters
Fun Page Exchange
Halloween Pictures
Hot SEXY Funny Pics!
Humor Links
Jokes
Optical Illusions
Political Humor
Tattoos
Tongue Twisters
Video Games
Weird Auctions
Music Video Codes

[ More Links ]







Latest Comments
Poop Head
Oct 27, 08:52
Somebody must have passed out!
Please Stop Giving Me Tickets!
Aug 30, 05:30
Yeah, I'm sure that'll change the cop's mind.
Boredom at Walmart
Jun 8, 16:48
ha ha
more...


Ruby on Rails