THE BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
Since it seems that we frequent establishments where rules are not required,
we have come up with the following agreement, which is legally binding
(being bound is good right?).
THIS BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT, (hereinafter referred to as the “Agreement”) is
made as of this ___ day of __________, 200__, (if you know what day it is
when you’re signing this, please insert), between
_____________________________ (hereinafter referred to as the “Party of the
First Part”) and ___________________________ (hereinafter referred to as the
“Party of the Second Part”) (this is important as we will need this for
WHEREAS, the above-named parties desire to engage in fornication upon the
terms and conditions outlined below (unless otherwise indicated, these rules
are intended for the benefit of the party of the first part):
1. No sleeping over unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the
evening (and then all you really need to do is bring a pizza and a 6 pack).
3. No calls before 9:00 p.m….we don’t have shit to talk about.
4. None of that “lovemaking” shit…only mind-blowing sex is allowed.
5. No emotional discussions. (e.g.: Where are we heading with this?; Do you
love me?. The answer is no, so don’t ask.)
6. No plans made in advance, that is why you are called the “back-up”.
Unless you are from out of town, then an exception can be made for advanced
7. All gifts to the party of the first part will be accepted. Money is fine
and is never to be considered compensation.
8. There will be no baby talk, however, talking dirty by either party will
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers. It’s none of your damn
10. There will be no references to “friends with benefits”. We are not
friends, just sex buddies.
11. No extra clothing is to be worn by the party of the second part, therey
eliminating the opportunity to leave anything behind when you leave.
12. No falling asleep right after sex. It’s over, so get your ass up and go.
(Refer to rule #1 for exceptions.)
13. Personal offense is not allowed if the party of the first part does not
ask if the party of the second part enjoyed himself…it is understood that
she doesn’t care.
14. There will be no borrowing of the car, or any other items of personal
15. In the event that anyone not a party to this Agreement inquires as to
your/my identity, the standard response will be “My roommate’s
16. Doggie style preferred…just hit it hard and right or get the hell out.
17. WE HOOK UP ABSOLUTELY WHENEVER THE MOOD STRIKES US.
EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS
The aforementioned rules may be altered by the holders of this Agreement. If
the party of te second part attempts to alter any terms of this Agreement,
without the written consent of the party of the first part, the Agreement
will automatically become null and void and the party of the second part
will be immediately removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from the
drunk dialing options and e-mail list and further blocked from all
communications unless and until the party of the second part has
successfully demonstrated regret and understanding for the importance of
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties have willingly, if not soberly, entered into
this Agreement as of the day and year first above written.