Here’s the background:
Ian works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the
campus of UNH. (The University of New Hampshire) Vinnie is his
boss and the owner of the truck, and yes, according to Ian, this
actually happened. Ian is telling the story.
Me: Anything else?
Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine?
Me: We do have decaf.
Her: No, I don’t want decaf, just some coffee without the
caffeine.
Me: Ma’am, that’s what decaf means, no caffeine.
Her: Oh, then do you have milk with no caffeine?
Me: Milk doesn’t come with caffeine.
Her: Yes it does.
Me: Not that I know of, where do you get your milk?
Her: It doesn’t say caffeine free on the milk so it must have
caffeine.
Me: Oh, you’re right, my mistake, I forgot that we only get the
decaf milk. No problem, we have only decaf milk. Anything else?
Her: Do you have any bagels?
Vinnie: (who has been listening all along): I’m sorry, ma’am,
we’re all out of decaf bagels.
Her: Well, what are those? (pointing at sesame bagels)
Vinnie: Those are sesame donuts with extra caffeine added.
Her: I guess I’ll just have the coffee.
Her: Do you take credit cards?
Me: No ma’am, cash only.
Her: What about visa?
Me: Is that a credit card?
Her: Well, yes.
Vinnie: Is it cash?
Her: No.
Vinnie: Then no, we can’t take it.
Her: What about checks?
Me: Cash ma’am, nothing else.
Her: O.K.
Her: How much is that?
Vinnie: Eleven dollars and 45 cents.
Her: Really?
Vinnie: New war in Alaska is ruining the coffee business, plus
you wanted the coffee with no caffeine, that’s hard to find now,
had to grow it myself.
Her: O.K. (proceeds to write a check)
Vinnie: Please leave.
Her: Why?
Vinnie: You’re raising my blood pressure, leave now.
Her: But what about my coffee?
Vinnie: Leave and never return.
She leaves, but pays the $11.45 first. Seriously.
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