There are exciting management programs coming along. I feel compelled to tell you about them so that you will be in on the ground floor. These theories come from graduate schools, later refined by Management Consulting Firms.
As soon as you hear that your managers are attending a new training program you must get yourself ready for what they bring back to you. For the moment though we will let you know what programs are under consideration.
They will be introduced with the words “Management by…”:
- Abrasion: Employees will wear down and do what you tell them.
- Accident: The emphasis will be on reaction rather than action.
- By-Pass: The staff will adapt alternate channels for getting things done.
- Conjecture: Inferences will be based upon incomplete evidence. (What management learned from the war.)
- Damage Control: New procedures introduced by our Accounting Department.
- Density: All Managers will be on the same page.
- Entrapment: Employee benefits will be reduced on a gradual basis.
- Euphemisms: The substitution of mild terms for all actions, e.g. wellness enhancement
- Exception: Will concentrate efforts on finding things that don’t work. (engineer based)
- Free style: Rhythmic strokes for Marketing Department personnel.
- Hierarchy: Re-acquainting employees with higher management by use of playing cards.
- Hysteria: A new focus on the value of shredders.
- Make-believe: Management views of the next quarter results.
- Natural Selection: College recruitment by old school ties.
- Pittance: Introduction of new pay scales.
- Retrenchment: Multi-tasking with a new name.
- Spot check: A new management tool adapted from the dry-cleaning industry.
- Surprise: A new program emphacizing listening to employees.
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