“What did you do with the money your mom gave you for singing lessons?”
“What’s the most girls you’ve had in bed at once?”
“Do you guys ever throw up and get big chunks in your beards?”
ZZ Top, Question #2
“Since you look Jewish, why don’t you call yourselves ZZ Dreidel?”
ZZ Top, Question #3
“In a pinch, would you wipe with your beard?”
“When you do a split, do you bang your testicles on the floor?”
“Do you and Phil still get horney for each other?”
Ted Williams (ex-baseball player)
“Did you ever accidentally fart in the catcher’s face?”
“If you pass gas at home in front of others, do you blame the family dog?”
“Did you forget to pull out with Annette Bening?”
"Do you read the scripts of the movies you choose to make, or do you go, “Eenie mennie minie moe?”"
“Who’s fault is it that you can’t get pregnant?”
“Does your gynecologist send you love letters?”
“Were you Thelma or Louise?”
“Did you ever use your glasses to burn ants by pointing them at the sun?”
“How does it feel to be on your own, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?”
"Does your son ever accidentally call you “grandpa”?"
“Are you mad at your dentist?”
“Did you learn how to walk backwards to avoid your father’s punches?”
“Are you called Rush because you’re in a rush to eat?”
“Now that you’ve conquered comedy, acting, and music, will you become a brain surgeon?”
“Ever fart while belting out a high note?”
“Don’t you wish Kathie Lee would sink on one of those Carnival Boats?”
“Do you think that headband on your mother’s head was placed there by space aliens?”
“Are people who need people really the luckiest people in the world?”
Dr. Ruth Westheimer
“Is it possible to be in love with a girl and her dog at the same time?”
“What is disappearing quicker, the ozone or your hair?”
“Was selling perfume one of your career goals?”
“Would you like to machine-gun Barney?”
“How many rooms in the Plaza did you think Donald cheated on you in?”
“Did you ever consider making love to the teenage girls on American Bandstand?”
“Don’t you think Steffi Graf has great legs and a collie’s face?”
“Where’s the craziest place you and your husband have made love?”
“Do you hate bananas?”
“Does driving a car really fast give you an erection?”
“Did you ever have a nightmare where your penis got caught in a paper shredder?”
“How many cows did it take to make your leather jacket?”
“What Hollywood star would you like to nail most?”
“How much do you want to bet that Pete Rose is gambling again?”
“How can you be so old and still have pimples?”
“Is your penis pointed like your ears?”
“Didn’t you steal my car?”
“Are they drooping yet?”
“What’s the closest you’ve been to Dom DeLuise when he cut the cheese?”
“Are women turned on by red pubic hair?”
“Are they real or implants?”
“Do you think of Rosie O’Donnell to prolong the sexual act?”
Michael J. Fox
“Are you a member of the Lollipop Guild?”
Samuel L. Jackson
“Do you think Spike Lee is an embarrasment to movie directors everywhere?”
“Do you think there’s anyone more arrogant than Bryant Gumble?”
Snoop Doggie Dog
“You’re a millionaire, what are you so angry about?”
“Do you have grey pubic hair?”
“Do you have the biggest schlong in Hollywood?”
Michael Caine (question #1)
“When you kissed Christopher Reeve in Death Trap, did you get turned on?”
Michael Caine (question #2)
“Did Sir Laurence Olivier ever hit on you?”
“Would you ever consider making it with a guy?”
“Does Diane Sawyer give you a chubby?”
Ed O’Bannon (basketball player)
“Would you ever give mouth-to-mouth to Magic Johnson?”
“Have you ever farted in your hand and smelled it?”
“Did anyone ever get laid in the dugout?”
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (question #1)
“Who’s the best white guy you ever played against?”
Karrem Abdul-Jabbar (question #2)
“Why did you change your name form Lew Alcindor to something as stupid as Karrem Abdul-Jabbar?”
“Why is everyone so afraid to bad mouth that cradle robbing Woody Allen?”
James Earl Jones (question #1)
“Do people ever confuse you with James Earl Ray?”
James Earl Jones (question #2)
"How much do you get paid to say “CNN”?"
James Earl Jones (question #3)
“Would you let your kids sleep unsupervised in a room with Michael Jackson?”
Jimmy Connors (question #1)
“When you dated Chris Evert, which one of you wore the bag?”
Jimmy Connors (question #2)
“Don’t you think that Ivan Lendl looks like Igor from the other side of the net?”
Jimmy Connors (question #3)
“When you get older, will you have someone help you over the net?”
“Do you have white pubic hair?”
“Did Sammy ever take his eye out and show it to you?”
Larry King (question #1)
“Why couldn’t you get it up for Marilyn Chambers?”
Larry King (question #2)
“Isn’t it time for you to propose?”
Larry King (question #3)
"When you have a problem on the air, like you have to burp or fart, do you use the “cough” button?"
Chevy Chase (question #1)
“Are you still wearing your toupee?”
Chevy Chase (question #2)
“How long do you think it will be before Dan Ackroyd explodes?”
Chevy Chase (question #3)
“Were you high when you said you’d beat David Letterman?”
Chevy Chase (question #4)
“Did you ever think you’d see the day that Garrett Morris is more happening than you?”
Chevy Chase (question #5)
“Do you tell your kids that you’re an accountant or do you tell them the ugly truth?”
Chevy Chase (question #6)
“Does it bother you that not only did you fail, but that nobody knows or cares that you failed?”
Tommy LaSorda (question #1)
“Why do baseball players grab their crotches so much?”
Tommy LaSorda (question #2)
“Are you upset that those lousy Canadians won the World Series?”
Tommy LaSorda (question #3)
“Do you ever have to ask your players to refrain from sex before a big game?”
Rusty Staub (New York Mets legend)
“Who got hit in the face with more balls – Yogi Berra or Rock Hudson?”
General William Westmoreland (the Schwarzkopf of Vietnam)
“If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman but your wife, who would it be?”
"What was the bigger disaster, Bill Morris or “Stuart Saves His Family?” (John was talking about Dick Morris, the disgraced Senator…he got the name wrong)
James Lovell (Apollo 13 astronaut)
“Which one of the astronauts had the biggest penis?”
Anne Curry (NBC News anchor)
“Does Matt Lauer make you hot?”
"Do you sign you pictures “Fred Gwynne” or “Herman Munster?”
Billy Ray Cyrus (question #1)
“Which Judd would you rahter have sex with, the fat one or the dying one?”
Billy Ray Cyrus (question #2)
“Who would you rahter be trapped on a desert island with, J. Edgar Hoover or Raymond Burr?”
Kurt Russell (question #1; these were asked at the a post Grammy bash)
“Don’t you think it’s time they stop giving Bonnie Raitt so may friggin’ awards?”
Kurt Russell (question #2)
“What gender is Tracy Chapman?”
"Don’t you think that Johnny Carson looks like the cryptkeeper from “Tales of the Crypt”?
“Would you represent Hitler for the right price?”
Walter Cronkite (question #1)
“Are you here at this event because you care about the rain forest or because your publicist thinks it’s a good idea?”
Walter Cronkite (question #2)
“What did William Daley do that was friggin’ important?” (John meant to say Paley, not Daley; he of course was the founder of CBS)
Walter Cronkite (question #3)
“Would you ever co-anchor with Howard Stern?”
Walter Cronkite (question #4)
“Have you ever passed wind during a newscast?”
Larry Thomas (“Soup Nazi” actor from Seinfeld)
“Where will you be serving food now that Seinfeld is going off the air?”
“Are you jealous of a certain rock star that wears purple?”
Joey Adams (radio’s “back-talk” comic and husband of Howard’s enemy, Post columnist Cindy Adams)
“When was the last time you saw Halley’s Comet?”
Former New York Governer Mario Cuomo
“Who’s the bigger leech, Yoko Ono or Tom Arnold?”
“Do you sleep on a sponge since you sweat so much?”
Kirk Douglas “When you worked with Farrah Fawcett, did you see her naked?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be dead by now?”
“When you kiss a girl, does her tongue ever get caught in that big space?”
“Is your mother on Prozac or is she always smiling like that?”
“Do you wear white socks even with a tuxedo?”
“Do you know that your hair looks like a map of Italy?”
Jack Nicholson (question #1)
Since your sister is really your mother, do
you send her a Mother’s Day card?
Jack Nicholson (question #2)
Did you ever do coke with Belushi?
Will you dump Demi when she gets dumpy?
Do you think Howard Stern is singlehandledly saving the
Who’s smarter, Christie Brinkley or Forrest Gump?
Billy Crystal (question #1)
How many years were you married before you
cheated on your wife?
Billy Crystal (question #2)
Why can’t Martin Short get arrested?
Billy Crystal (question #3)
Isn’t it ironic that Mr. Saturday Night closed
on Saturday afternoon?
Alec Baldwin (question #1)
Genital-wise, who’s the biggest Baldwin?
Alec Baldwin (question #2)
Did you ever play Butt Bongo with Kim?
Alec Baldwin (question#3)
Do you ever look at the stains in Kim’s
Regis Philbin (question #1)
Do you have F.U. money?
Regis Philbin (question #2)
If Kathie Lee sucks, say ‘What?’
Regis Philbin (question #3)
Do you still beat your wife?
Kate Pierson (B-52’s singer; question #1)
Who do you think has a better
figure, Kate Moss or a 12-year-old boy?
Kate Pierson (question #2)
How much would it cost you to do lesbian photos
for a magazine?
Why didn’t your network report JFK smoked pot in the White
House and nailed Marilyn Monroe?
Barbara Walters (question#1)
Should people who talk like Elmer Fudd pursue
careers in broadcasting?
Barbara Walters (question #2)
How do you stay awake sitting next to Hugh
Downs on 20/20?
Barbara Walters (question #3)
Will you ever do a show on entering
Barbara Walters (question #4)
Have you ever had sex with any of the people
Tom Brokaw (question #1)
Can you say “red leather, yellow leather”?
Tom Brokaw (question #2)
Are there news groupies?
Tom Brokaw (question #3)
Has anyone ever asked you if you’re gay?
Were you ever sexually attracted to your sister?
Phil Donahue (question #1)
Does it bother you that no-talents like Ricki
Lake are ripping off the format you created?
Phil Donahue (question #2)
Are women easier to deal with after menopause?
Phil Donahue (question #3)
Do you pray Oprah will eat until she explodes?
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Why do you think so many Broadway dancers are gay?
Laurence Fishburne (question #1)
Did you enjoy beating up the actress who
played Tina Turner?
Laurence Fishburne (question #2)
Why does Spike Lee make such awful movies?
Kathleen Turner (question# 1)
What was the bigger disaster, the Oklahoma
bombing or The Man With Two Brains?
Kathleen Turner (question #2)
Is Michael Douglas big in the lap?
Maria-Conchita Alonzo (question #1)
Are you Rosie Perez?
Maria-Conchita Alonzo (question #2)
Do you have a green card?
Maria-Conchita Alonzo (question #3)
Why do Spanish men love big asses?
Are you upset that you’re unemployed and that Ellen
DeGeneres is a superstar?
How do you succeed in business without trying?
Paul Sorvino (question #1)
Has Woody Allen lost his mind?
Paul Sorvino (question #2)
What are the odds that John Travolta will ever
star in another decent movie?
Paul Sorvino (question#3)
Should anal sex be legalized everywhere?
Do you check after you’re done wiping?
Don’t you think it’s sad that Mary Wells died of cancer and
Ice-T is still alive?
Which would you prefer, someone to pick your nose or someone
to suck your ear wax out with a straw?
What did Neil Simon look like naked?
Elizabeth Ashley (stage, screen and TV actress)
Do you allow yourself to
be photographed during your period?
Todd Solontz (independent film director with a “sissy” voice)
ever had a gay experience?
Have you ever pictured your wife’s face on a guy you were
Steve Martin (question #1)
Does Goldie Hawn’s ass look that great in
Steve Martin (question #2)
Do Bernadette Peters’ breasts really look that
Tell Your Friends About 'Stuttering John Melendez Questions'!